


Pun Intended

by Isola_Caramella



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 23:30:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11367879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isola_Caramella/pseuds/Isola_Caramella
Summary: Bad jokes and good boners





	Pun Intended

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know man, at this point I just write.
> 
> Serious comma abuse happens

“That isn't even funny Lannister, it's just stupid.” His best friend berated him, “how would like it if I said something so rude and crass to you?”

“Oh, wench come on, its fucking funny, you're just a prude. Cockamole on your facedilla is legit funny. And you don't say rude and crass jokes, it's why I provoke you.”

“You provoke me because you're an ass. I could tell a rude joke if I wanted to, my father is the admiral of the Royal Navy, I've heard more profane jokes than you've taken breaths. I'm a decent human being, so I don't.” Brienne huffed as she reached for another highlighter to go through their anatomy book.

“Yes, septa Brienne, I think you should drop out now, forget studying for finals with me, just head over to Baelor’s and enroll in their religious studies course and fulfill your duty as a prude. I can see you in the drab, grey sack flour dress now. Nothing visible but your eyes, oh wait that's practically how you dress now.”

“Why are we friends?”

“You fucking love me. Now tell me your dirty joke.”

“No, it's a stupid joke, like you're a stupid idiot.”

“Oh, this is going to be good.” Jaime lunged at Brienne, tackling her to his ridiculous twin bed, grazing her ribs slightly, not ready to tickle her just yet. Delighting in the red flush taking over her face.

“Oh my gods, Jaime get off! I hope you fail, I hope the Crone paralyzes one side of your brain just until finals are over…Jaime stop…” Brienne gurgled as she bucked under him, locking one leg behind his thigh to try and flip him but he was ready for her and pinned both hands above her head so he could apply more pressure to her ribs.

“Tell me your joke septa Tarth, or the Stranger will knock on your door tonight for that awful prayer to the Crone. You'll die a maiden after having lived the life of a septa, all for wishing me ill over one of Bronn’s jokes.”

“No!”

“Tell me.” He smirked, knowing that Brienne's definition of a bawdy joke was as offensive as being slapped by a feather.

“Fine! You're such an ass, The Smith needs to show me how to make something strong enough to muzzle you into silence.”

“Tick tock wench, tick tock.” Jaime ran his fingers along her ribs again, losing a little leverage as he tried to shake his hair out of his face.

“I hate you Jaime. Gods, this isn't a joke, just a retort to your stupid joke, you can only put your cockamole, ugh that's so dumb, on my facedilla if I can put my cunto blanco on your facedilla.” Brienne's lackluster delivery killed any humor from her otherwise solid response. Jaime was almost proud she'd thought of it so quickly. It used to take her days to push back at whatever new insult he'd come up with.

“That's a terrible joke when you say it, but not a bad idea all told.”

“WHAT?” She screeched in his ear, as Jaime tried to reposition his now twitching cock away from her. The image her words had conjured did him no good. Worse with her wrists being trapped between his hand and her shirt high on her stomach.

“It's the best way to blow off final exam stress, it is known.”

“One day I'll learn, one blessed day.”

“Pray to the Warrior for strength when we finally fuck, you'll never have the strength to outwit me.”

“Well that day will never come. Margaery is right, you are a douchey f boy.” Brienne bit out at him, going as still as plank underneath him.

“Please, Margaery is jealous because I wouldn't fuck her sophomore year at the Kraznys mo Nakloz frat party. Or at the Grazdan mo Eraz party junior year. Or the Yurkhaz zo Yunzak sorority spring get shit faced drunk fling . Why do you think she's with my cousin Joffrey?”

“That doesn't stop you from being a f boy.”

“I've been in one relationship my entire life, liking Bronn’s jokes doesn't make me a fuck boy.”

“No, it makes you an idiot. Pretending you want to be with me, that way, and joking about it does make you a f boy.”

“Of course I want you, I've said it with the severity of the High Septon and you didn't believe me then either.” Jaime said against her cheek, lowering himself enough for her to feel the hard press of his cock on her thigh.

“ _Jaime_?”

“Yes?”

“What is, what?”

“That is the beef filling for your burrito wench.”

“Please stop it. Just don't.”


End file.
